At that holy and divine moment when a woman becomes a mother for the first time, she’s not fully aware of the weight, complexity and responsibility of her future role. Nature has given her reflexes, instincts and emotions, so that for the first time, consciously or not, she can hold her CHILD in her arms, embrace it and keep it forever... Sometimes, however, due to various, mostly painful life circumstances, unfortunately only for a moment.

It’s pointless to discuss the reasons why in a cruel twist of fate some parents are forced to separate from what is dearest to them, from their CHILD, their body and soul. It’s hard to judge whether or not that’s fair!

Is it fair that somebody receives the gift of a child, who has the possibility to choose everything in life except his/her parents? Those brave enough to accept this challenge, either alone or in a couple, experience both the ups and downs of life, moments of happiness, satisfaction, pride and everything that accompanies a child growing up. The remaining ones – mother, father or both of them – on the other hand are in most cases UNFORTUNATELY deeply unaware of the loss. Sometimes they are simply unable to change the course of their life, which they are struggling with by giving in to bad habits, surrendering to the meaninglessness and therefore losing the gold that they once held in arms.

What does that do to the child? Will he/she find shelter or will the shelter find him/her?

DEAR KATARINA,           

Your life story is unique, unlike any other. It’s the reason why I’m writing. The main hero is not your mother, nor is it your father. It’s you, their child. You became the responsibility of society and social services from birth. Those are the rules. The social worker makes the first step. In this case, that was me. I’m going to reveal a secret: you were abandoned two months after birth on the office desk where I work. While I was busy planning further action, a colleague from accounting brought everything necessary for you, gave you a bath, dressed and fed you. I took you to the children's department of General Hospital Berane and from there, in my arms, to the care of Children's home Mladost Bijela in Herceg Novi. During that 200 km long journey, we talked and went on about everything, you at two months and me at 30 years old. We had been monitoring your mother prior to your birth and are continuing to do so now, as I’m writing to you.

The Children's home was not the solution for you. We were looking for something different for such a healthy, lovely and adorable child. We agreed upon a family that would take care of you as their own and meet all the conditions; you would have been the only thing missing... It was a family from Ljubljana. We were all pleased. Your happiness had begun. But ... Happiness begins and ends. You found me when you ran into difficulties. And everything yours and ours… Returned to the beginning.

My conception of you, of all adopted children of the world, got as shaken as the ocean during a powerful storm. What remains to be done, changed, added and what taken away from the LAW?« 

With the help of social services in Ljubljana, you were able to solve your problem and got a new home. I remember my first interview with you! It was like talking to a "small yet great” human being. I understood she source of the burden in your "small” life. You wanted to know where you came from. Because of you, my child, I had no choice; I placed myself at your disposal. I was telling you everything that social workers tell. But that wasn’t enough for you. You were looking for your mother, for your father, you were looking for YOURSELF! I wanted you to find yourself together with US, because you were only a child.  

My plan was, and now I can admit it, for you to grow up, get an education, not get into trouble… And that came true. You became "my” good girl. Later on you found your mother on your own. You two met in Podgorica. These were your mother’s words: "You can learn everything about me from my social worker, she is all I have; all my paths lead from the social services center and come right back to it.” She handed me all the photos taken from the meeting with you. I keep them to this day.

Katarina, in search of your mother, you found a BROTHER. A nine-year-old boy, your brother, was staying in the orphanage Mladost Bijela at the time.

You had a surprise for me. You visited the social services center to meet up. It was… It was… The memories remain. You were so beautiful, smart, cultural, sophisticated, cosmopolitan… We all gathered around you and were all pleased at the time. Therefore it wasn’t difficult for us to write all the professional opinion letters in order to help in your brother’s process of adoption in Ljubljana. That was our contribution in our joint efforts to make a life in much better circumstances possible for you and your brother in the same city. An example of brother and sister being reunited in such a way had been unknown to us in practice. The other hero of this story is your brother. Our mission is to provide every child with the chance to be able to grow up under normal conditions. In this case, judge for yourself whether we were successful. We walked down this path together; it was my professional and moral obligation. And to you, my children, I wish all the best in your future.

Ana Vuksanović, B.Soc.Sc., CSW Berane, Montenegro